22nd, Dec 2008

You know that feeling, when you feel really really realllllllyyyyy pissed off???? well, that's how I'm feeling right now!!!

There doesn't seem anything, absolutely anything that I do that pleases everyone around me and just for a change, keeps their traps shut!!!

Almost everyone wants a part of me, wants me to do something for them or just wants me to do something that I don't have the time to finish!! and since I don't finish it, they sulk!!

I'm so sick and tired of this that I really don't want to do anything anymore. Was reading 'Atlas Shrugged' and could identify a little with Hank Rearden. How the hell does one live with people who have a totall disregard for one's work most of the time?? I love my work but these people just don't let me enjoy it in peace!!! Oh, when will I grow old enough to move out into my own studio appartment??? When will I get the peace of being in my own company for a change? Whenever it wil be, It can't be soon enough....... 

Miracles happen....

20th Dec, 2008

I missed yesterday's bolg, but had good reason for that....

You know, I've believed in miracles. I knew that if you wished for something right from the bottom of your heart with all the strength of will that you possess and have faith in your wish, it comes true.... But there has never been a time when I've suddenly come so close to miracles ever before.... Now, I know for a fact that things happen because someone somewhere is writing a script keeping all the characters in mind.... and everything happens because it plays some role somewhere. even stumbling on a pavement stone or missing a train is part of a larger scheme... but we seem so engrossed in our own little worlds, that we fail to recognise the wheels of the Big Machine turning. We hardly notice the intricate steps of the cosmic dance to admire it's beauty... maybe we are too small to even be able to percieve any segment of the whole show... let alone the whole performance.....

and though I am unable to get the whole Big Idea that's lurking somewhere, I'm just thankful that it exists and this whole affair of Life is not just a random jumble of happenings.....

Don't believe in 'God' presay, but there definitely is something out there... Some one, some thing, magic, Belief.... I don't know... 

Just want Whatever it is to know....

I'm thankful that it's there...

18th Dec, 2008

Late again tonight. I guess I write every log page in the middle of the night.... Am way too tired to type out all that I want to... but I promis I'll do it tomorrow...

ok??

Hectic!! But fun!!

No jokes! I'm thriving on the hectic days!! I absolutely love it!!

Today was a run! I left house in the morning and headed for St. Xavier's college. Collected some breakthrough CD's from Prof. Bhatia (that charming lady!!) and took some contact details from her. Then went and spoke to the director of the Xavier's Institute of Communication about screening in their department. Then went to college and attended Reena Ma'am and Sarika Ma'am's lectures. After that, went down to Lower Parel to the office and picked up some books to be returned to the American Library. Went to the library at churchgate and did the needful. Then headed for bandra where I was supposed to meet Shinoy, and Becky at Becky's place... But they left house to leave for Goregaon. So I met them near the Bandra station for some food. Then they left and I waited for mom to come as we were gonna go buy some decent formals for me. till she came, I fell off to sleep as I sat on the bench at the station and a police woman came to wake me up since I had a large bag with me and she found it suspicious. I told her that I was waiting for my mom and she smiled n left!!! Then mom came and we went to get some really nice stuff. I got a formal skirt and top after a lot of try outs. And mom got other stuff too. 

Then we left and came home. And after an awesome dinner and a game of badminton with my sis, I'm here on the comp writing my blog..... when I'm supposed to be in bed...

so I'd better go...

Good Night!!

Talking of nice days...

16th Dec, 2008

It was a beautiful day, to say the least about it... Firstly, began quite late (I think I'm getting into the habit!!! BAD!!!) went to college at 10.30 and attended but one lecture. Reena Ma'am's lecture in Organisational Behaviour. Then did a little work. I've been a little guilty over the last few days cause Rashmi has taken so ill, a lot of it being due to stress and that made me do a little more of my job today. Poor her... I hope she recovers fast.... 

Then went around the town with Nikita and Nidhi. Went to Jai Hind college with Garima and Nikita first to get our certificates and stuff for Detour. Then went to have fresh sliced strawberries with malai ice cream at naturals... was awesome!!! 

Then Garima went to her hostel room and I went with Nikita to Roopmilan cause she had to select a saree for her bhabhi. Once that was done, (and nidhi joined us there) we went out to Nikita's hostel room and spent some time as she showed us around the hostel. Then after loitering around for sometime, we left for our respective places. And I came home... well, that was about all that I did. came home and did a little work online. So here I am now... 

well, some notes for the day: Nikita's hostel seemed brilliant!!! I will try to live in one someday... And Fresh strawberry slices with malai ice cream taste heavenly!!!!!

so more at a later date...

A Whole New Week.....

15th Dec, 2008,

There are good days, bad days, and then there are 'mix bag' days. Today was a 'mix bag' day. I had a pinch of problems, a dash of fun, a pint of sleep (!!!!) and little spoonfuls of almost every other things that life has to offer. That included some pain, a little anguish and anger too. But I guess that is what makes the day worth living. It is days like this one that I will look back upon and think... 'Man! What a life I've lived!!' 

You know, people think falling in love is beautiful..... I found out at my own expense (twice) that it isn't. Especially when the person that you are in love with is not in love with you..... So the only way to be out of the heart break that results from such a thing is to fall in love with someone who already loves you.... and we all have that one person.... Ourselves!!! So the best bet is to fall in love with yourself and do everything that the 'self' wants you to!! Can you think of a better relationship?? Well, I can't and I think I'll keep it up this way. Safe. And Beautiful.....

Beautiful Sunday....

14th Dec, 2008

If you would have told me around two years ago that there will come a time when I'll be so packed with work that I won't have even sundays free, I'd have laughed at you.  And if you'd have said that despite all the busy schedule, I would enjoy it, I'd have asked you to apply for a stand up comedy contest. And if I would have done any of that, I'd have had to eat my own words and laughter...... Not only are my days jam packed and my sundays more eventful than ever, I discovered that I'm actually thriving on all that! I'm enjoying every part of the life that I'm now leading. Simply because all that I do makes sense to me. If all the work would have been studies, like some doctors-to-be and engineers-to-be do during a day, I'd have either killed myself, or someone else. What I'm doing is much much more productive and satisfying. and I love it. 

Another day...

13th Dec, 2008

Another day is here and gone. Another page turned. Another lesson learnt. 

Began with a lecture in 'Print' by a new professor who told us of the syllabus and it seemed technical but interesting. Then I headed for the Nirmala Niketan college for Social Work with Rachel and Vallari. The students and staff there had come up with this thing. Volunteers would connect with victims or families and understand all their needs. Financial, Psychological, Emotional, etc etc etc... Seemed a more pro active way of handling the sort of anger that I was feeling post the attacks along with the fact that I'd be able to make someone a little more comfortable with their life. So I volunteered. I am looking forward to working for this. Then again, I will be working with another group of people as I think I'd mentioned earlier. We are working towards coming up with a few solutions as far as governance is concerned. I hope all this goes somewhere....

Well, then after that we headed for some work at Andheri. We were thinking to do our project later but we were so tired, we decided to do it later. So I came home and tried to sleep for some time. However, my parents were back from a family function and had the usual family news so I heard them, gave my comments and then was too restless to go to sleep. So then i came online for a while and checked my mail, Facebook, etc... 

But then all of a sudden I felt so drowsy, I got off and went to take a nap. When I opened my eyes, I realized it was 9 and for a wild moment thought it was 9  the next morning. Which would mean I'd missed the sunday lecture at college and I rolled in my bed, upset. Then i looked out the window and saw that it was still dark and registered that it was 9 in the evening!! Then my sis told me that the movie download that I'd started was complete. It was Cinderella that I'd been trying to get for sometime.  Finally, I saw the movie tonight after almost a decade. I remember, I had seen that one around a billion times when I was a kid. I loved seeing it today!!!

but somewhere, a skepticism, or whatever it was, lingered. It was this movie that had brought the idea of the 'Ideal' man into my head. And as of now, I haven't come across any one who could play that role in the movie of my life and it suddenly filled me with a sense of sadness... hopelessness. I will never have a fairy god mother who will wave her wand and make life so easy for me. I will have to take the hard way. And about Prince Charming, well, the little I spoke of it, the better.... 

And now, as I'm getting ready, this is the though that I'm carrying with me: There are those who's life has been really unfair to them. My time is better utilised trying to get them to come to terms with it and cope. That is what I will do. And as for Prince Charming, I'm not too desperate but not too hopefull either. Let him come in his own sweet time if he ever intends to make an appearance, that is. Till then, I'll be on my way....

Good Night!!

A New Beginning...

Well, i've neglected blogging for a while now.... and since i've not been writing too much, not much to put up either. however, since i've called this blog 'penning it down' thought i'd convert it into a sort of online diary..... and since a lot has happened and a lot is about to happen in my life, thought this would be a lovely time to start....

i'll be tryin my level best to put on something every day...

beginning with today.

12th Dec. 2008

well, a few things that happened in the last few days. 

 On the 26th of last month Mumbai was held at gun point by a hand full of men yet again... 

that sort of changed a lot. In me and in the city. Nothing is the same anymore. Even those who say 'kya farak padhta hai?' know somewhere deep in their hearts that something has changed and something new is coming. I just hope, that this time, that feeling of change is not a hoax call. I hope that we do something this time. 

Anand Sivkumaran, The scriptwriter with whom I worked for a short time recently, was one of the people who wanted to do something. So I've joined him and all his colleagues, friends, associates and random others to try and figure out where do we go from here. It is interesting to say the least. We meet, we plan some work, disperse with some homework to do and come back to pool in our information. 

We've come to one agreement though. It is all nice and fancy to talk about wanting to change, to do something, to bring about a revolution, to change the system etc etc etc.... it feels good to hear..

but if we really intend to do something, then it is with ourselves that we must begin.

Remember the story we were told in our school? About the man, in order to keep his son occupied, gives him pieces of a world map and asks him to stick them together. The son returns in minutes with the whole thing in place and held together by sticking tape. When asked how did he manage to get it so fast, he said that on the reverse of the map, was a human body. He put the man together and automaticaly, the world made itself up. 

This story has a ressonance in my life today. No matter how hard boiled my determination is, it can't counter the shreads of life that we have inherited. If there is something that I can change, it will be myself. if I change and do what i am supposed to, then everything else will fall in place. If I am clean, so will my country be. The change begins from me. 

So here I begin, to declare that I know that I have wronged at several places but from now on, I will be clean.